The rules of Secret Santa
There is no official rulebook, but nearly every group plays like this:
- Everyone draws one name, and nobody draws their own.
- Everyone gives one gift and receives one gift.
- The name you drew stays secret until the exchange, or for good if your group prefers.
- Everyone keeps to the budget the group agreed on.
- Everyone brings their gift on the agreed day.
The rest is up to your group. Decide it before anyone draws a name, so nobody feels the rules changed once they saw the name they drew.
How to organize it in six steps
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Choose the group
You need at least 3 people, but the secret holds up better with 4 or more: with exactly 3, anyone can work out the whole draw from the name they drew. Check that everyone wants to take part before you go further.
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Set the date and the budget
Choose the day of the exchange and one amount that everyone can comfortably afford. Many groups choose around 10 to 20 dollars, pounds or euros. A clear figure works better than "something small", which means something different to everyone.
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Agree on the details
Should gifts follow a theme, such as homemade or books? Are gift cards fine? Will people find out who gave them their gift, or will it stay a mystery? Short answers now will save a lot of questions later.
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Draw the names
Draw at least two weeks before the exchange, or three to four weeks if gifts have to be delivered. First decide who should not draw each other, such as couples. Then pick one of the three ways to draw described below.
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Tell each person privately
Each person should learn only the name they drew. Give them the date, the budget and the details at the same time, so nobody has to ask in the group chat. Never post the full list in a group, even to check it.
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Hold the exchange
Remind everyone a few days before. On the day, everyone writes the name of the person receiving it on their gift, but not their own name. Then open the gifts one at a time, and let people try to guess who gave what.
Three ways to draw names
Slips of paper
Write each name on a slip of paper, put the slips in a hat and take turns drawing one. It is quick and needs no phone, but everyone has to be in the same room. There is also a catch: with 4 or more people, there is about a 63% chance that at least one person draws their own name, and then everyone has to start again. Paper can't keep couples apart either, unless you keep redrawing.
With an app
An app draws the names and sends each person the name they drew, so nobody has to meet up. With the Secret Santa app, free to download, only the organizer needs the app and no account is needed. Add the names, the budget and the date, set exclusions so that couples don't draw each other, then send each person their match by email, SMS, WhatsApp or another messaging app. You can also see who opened their invitation, and resend it in one tap.
By passing the phone around
All in one room, without everyone's email address? Use the app's live draw: pass the phone around, and each person sees the name they drew on the screen. No internet connection is needed.
For a family, an office or a long-distance group
In a family
Decide first whether children take part: some families run a separate draw for them. Use exclusions so that couples don't draw each other. Organizing again next year? Duplicate last year's event in the app, and it will avoid last year's matches.
At the office
Keep it optional, so nobody has to explain why they aren't joining. Hold the exchange during working hours so that everyone can be there, set a modest budget, and ask for gifts that suit the workplace: nothing too personal, and no jokes that could embarrass someone.
Long distance
Draw earlier to leave time for delivery, and agree on how to share addresses, such as a list the whole group can see. Many online shops can deliver directly to the person you drew. Open the gifts together on a video call. If your group uses WhatsApp, you can send each person their match in a private message from the app, instead of posting anything in the group chat.
Questions and answers
Does Secret Santa work with an odd number of people?
Yes. People aren't put into pairs: each person gives to one person and receives from another, so any number from 3 upward works.
Can the organizer take part?
Yes. With the Secret Santa app, the organizer receives a match like everyone else and doesn't need to look at the draw.
How do you stop couples from drawing each other?
On paper, you have to keep redrawing until no couple has drawn each other. In the app, add an exclusion by tapping the two names, and those two people won't draw each other.
What if someone drops out after the draw?
Usually nobody has to draw again. The person who drew them takes over the name they had drawn. For example, if Emma drops out, whoever drew Emma now buys a gift for the person Emma drew, and everyone else keeps the name they drew. But if Emma and that person had drawn each other, you need a new draw.
What is the difference between Secret Santa and White Elephant?
In Secret Santa, you choose a gift for the person you drew. In White Elephant, also called Yankee Swap, nobody draws a name: everyone brings a gift for the pile, then people take turns picking one or stealing one already opened. If you are looking for Secret Santa rules "with stealing", that is usually the game you want.
Need a gift idea?
Everyone can add gift ideas to a free wishlist, right from their invitation. The person who drew them can see it, so no one has to guess. For more ideas, browse our gift guide.